Thoughts on the American election: - it is a shame the meteor didn't run again - too many states start with M, not enough with E or Y, this strikes me as unfair - red and blue remain boring colours, why not try a nice fuschia?
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- people keep complaining about the electoral college being confusing and antiquated, which is odd because that's true of the whole election really - as one of the pivotal states still counting, it is annoying that Pennsylvania has so many syllables in its name
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- American state lines are all drawn badly, except for Wyoming and Colorado, which are pleasingly regular and thus the Best States - there are either too many or too few counties in Georgia, depending on how you feel about pointless redundancy
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- people seem overly fond of chanting, given that votes are in fact on paper and thus cannot be changed by words alone - unless the chanting is some kind of wizardy, in which case there are more wizards in Arizona/Pennsylvania than I was expecting
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- too many people are saying the words "Joe Biden is on top" which raises disturbing imagery of a Trump/Biden embrace - this is, thankfully, better than saying "Trump is on the bottom" which is far more evocative a phrase
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- American accents elide the words "polls" and "Poles", giving the confusing impression that Polish people are pivotal to the election in some way - clearly the solution to this is to hire more Australians to comment on the US election
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- there is no particular magic in "calling" a vote, unless you are an electoral official - thus, I would like to call the presidential election in my favour, despite not running, and being Australian, because the gig pays somewhat better than an epidemiologists salary
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This is good! Look, any idiot can name Australian states. Western Australia. South Australia. New South Wales is the only one that presents any challenge. But Connecticut, Massachusetts, Mississippi... these are just random strings of letters! It's an intellectual workout.
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Don't stress it. We know the states and capitols and that they spell it "capitols"

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Only apparently they don't refer to state capitals as capitols, now I feel shame, will go in penalty box

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Can you be one of the official election commentators next time please? These facts, while no more useful than the official ones, are much more entertaining.
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Tell
@CNN, I'll do it for free if they allow me to wear a purple suit live on air
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