Step 1: make sure that you've cordoned off enough time to really write. If this means delaying your paper by a month or two, so be it!
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Step 2: find a comfortable place to sit. An office chair might not suffice, so invest in something more comfortable like an armchair or recliner
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Step 3: unfinished projects are the antithesis to writing! Before starting your new paper, you should close off every other project that you've started
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Step 4: go over your literature and update it. If you have to read 100s of new pieces of research that's ok - science can't be rushed!
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Step 5: notice that someone has already published a paper similar to yours, and take a break to hyperventilate in the bathroom
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Step 6: once you've calmed down, start with your methods section, then move onto the results and finally top and tail the paper with the intro and discussion
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Step 7: spend the next 10 hours reading the archaic formatting guidelines for the journal you've chosen and torturing your Word file until it's close enough
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Step 8: the exciting finale! Submit your wonderful new research to a scientific journal and then begin the anxious wait until your study is reviewed
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Step 9: the paper is desk-rejected. Never fear - there are hundreds of other journals with almost identical names and impact factors are just a number. Try again somewhere else
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Step 10: as you wait to hear back from the second journal you submitted to, entropy finally overtakes all energy and the universe itself implodes Give yourself a pat on the back for the effort, and try again when another universe is born
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End of conversation
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