Historically accurate sequence: *Hero cuts arm* "I must poultice this!" *Poultice includes goose dung and dirt* *Rampant infection ensues* Physician: "The only cure is to bleed the infected limb" *Bleeds arm* *Hero dies* *End of book*https://twitter.com/LeeFlower/status/1038831421014585345 …
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Second historically accurate sequence: *Army marches to battle* *Latrines dug poorly, near water supply* *TYPHOID ENSUES* King: well, fuck *Treaty signed, war over*
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Third historically accurate (~1500s) sequence: *Hero loses virginity to sex worker, aged 13* *Fast-forward a decade* Hero: I would vanquish this dragon, if only these red sores would stop appearing on my arms *Puts mercury tincture on sores* *Dies of syphilis* *End book*
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Fourth historically accurate sequence: *Hero is born* *Measles* *Hero dies aged 3* *End book*
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Fifth historically accurate sequence: *Hero is riding alone* Hero: these woods look suspicious *Hero is ambushed!* *Hero gets knocked on head: loses consciousness* *Hero wakes up hours later, confused* *Hero has suffered serious brain damage* *Hero dies, begging*
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