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The distinction that gets drawn in the book "Come As You Are" is one of spontaneous vs responsive desire - the former happens is when you get horny without much external prompt, the latter is highly situational. Spontaneous is more common in men, responsive in women.
In general it's not necessarily about "skill and charisma" and can also be about emotional connection, being in a particularly hot situation, or a lot of other contextual things that can help (and also there are many that can hurt).
I've got my doubts as to whether the gender split is actually as strong as we treat it as (I spent this entire book going "Yes, the thing you are describing as the characteristically female response is *exactly* how sex works for me) but it's likely at least statistically true.
i suspect it's going to be similar to other psychological traits where there are normal distributions with somewhat offset means, which results in a lot of overlap in the bulk of the distribution & absolute domination of each gender at their respective ends of the distribution
Yeah, the "skill and charisma" thing bugged me. "Skill and charisma" implies that it's an objective measurement of the man, instead of a mix subjective preference and relationship, which seems more accurate to me. >
> A man who's very unattractive to one woman can be very attractive to another for various reasons. There are probably some men who are more attractive to more women, but there's a heavy subjective element for sure.
and attractiveness of the partner
I feel like if I drop that I'm actually fairly visually oriented and I tend to take interest in almost entirely very pretty ppl I'll end up being called secretly male fwiw most other trans fem ppl seem to care a bunch less than me, but like, yep, lesbiabs like cute girls
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