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Hard to know if a norm is something you should unlearn and resist or something you should submit to and find ways to live by. I feel like there's a lot of this in disagreements online. Tradgirls clinging to chastity desperately, cishet dudes denigrating trans and nb softboys.
Another split here is separating whether you follow the norm from whether you endorse the norm from whether you enforce the norm.
e.g. 1. My dress sense is quite masc because it's easy (follow). 2. Some of my attitudes are quite masc because I think it's good (endorse) But other men can do whatever they like with their masculinity I don't really care and am not going to enforce gender norms on them.
Good point. Specifically for me, when you do not endorse the norm but submit to it out of pragmatism, you can become invested in enforcing it, and not even know if you're doing right or wrong.
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