You know the phenomenon of male characters who you absolutely should not identify because they're awful people who nevertheless a lot of men identify with? e.g. James Bond, Rick (of Rick and Morty), Rorschach.
I think I figured out why this is and oh no. 
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I think it's not so much that you can't find non-asshole manly characters as that there are certain proscribed ways of being manly that only come out in asshole characters.
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I think the key one is independence? (or thinking of something else?) "badass" characters loudly display independence by breaking rules/norms/etc rarer but still existing, independence+integrity can be a thing and actually the exaggerated chars seems derived (ish?) from those
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dalinar from way of kings forget-his-name from elantris also ender don't think it's a real pattern; mostly just dalinar made an impression and brought a couple more by association I think
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Well Dalinar was an asshole though in the flashbacks.
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What about most superheroes like batman spiderman superman
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was thinking of those too actually although batman arguably an asshole and spiderman arguably not so "manly" but superman yeah … though maybe it's complicated. like if somebody needs to stand up to authority or make a trade-off, isn't that more
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