GeniesLoki

OK. Lets do a little thread about this. So, to start with, I'm not actually super into non-coercion. Mostly because I think I'm already mostly OK at it - my life has for years been almost entirely free of negative self talk, and I tend to pursue my whims and interest freely.https://twitter.com/mattgoldenberg/status/1323821247847911425 …

I can't claim that I'm particularly good at being happy and productive while being non-coercive, but I mostly don't force myself into things, so it feels like the default rather than something to get really excited about.

I'd previously been framing this as "Hmm everyone else seems to have this bad habit that I don't. Go me?" and around the events of https://twitter.com/GeniesLoki/status/1314510734727024641 … decided that huh maybe that was inaccurate and I was missing something useful.

Rule of thumb: If you find yourself studiously avoiding a state, it's probably because you experience that state as unsafe.

Negative self-talk feels unsafe because negative talk (mockery, judgement, etc) feels unsafe and because when you are doing it to yourself you can't get away from it.

But... do you need to be able to get away from it? This is a thing you're choosing to do to yourself. You can just stop. Negative self-talk is basically unsafe if and only if you cannot be relied upon to stop when it feels too bad.

Unsure of exact generalisable process, but I think this requires at least three things. You have to: 1. Get good at being cruel to people you love. 2. Arrange your life so you mostly don't *need* this. 3. Get comfortable with a certain level of negative emotion.

Without (1) and (2) you are not going to be safe to engage in negative self-talk because you can't be relied on to do it well enough for it to be a net positive. Without (3) the level of negative self-talk you can handle is zero so it doesn't matter how good you are at others.