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And this will make you very very unpopular very quickly.
Like there's a thing that I think women experience as men trying to dominate the conversation but men experience as essentially a very dynamic conversation mode which is... not exactly combative but energetic with maybe a light element of competition?
But you're not supposed to win it and if you *actually* dominate the conversation this is both unskillfull and a jerk move.
I think taking joking too seriously is also a faux pas, but it's one that I routinely fall prey to so I don't know how to explain the norms here very well.
You are supposed to allow people to interrupt you in exchange for being allowed to interrupt the others. Similar to banter and teasing, this can quickly turn into bullying if the balance breaks and the same person is the "victim" too often.
Right, exactly. Interrupt mode is very much a give and take, but done unskillfully it turns into entirely take, and this is a huge faux pas.
interestingly this style of conversation feels very NYC-coded to me, perhaps moreso than it feels male-coded...
Male relationships are anchored on knowing relative status wrt competition for female attention at its core. Banter and conversation dominance has replaced phy dom as the primary mode of sorting this. But like you said, as in phy dom, there's an art to winning without humiliating
Think of the classic "beat up the bully, now we're friends" trope. Decisively winning allows the hierarchy to resort and relationships to form but humiliating losses (read: emasculating) sow the seeds of hatred.
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My sense is that there aren’t usually huge differences between queer leaning female spaces and straight female spaces except perhaps some slight discussion topical variation
