GeniesLoki

In order: "Being cruel to people you love" sounds bad, right? It's not, it's good. Examples: * Teasing * Telling someone harsh truths * Not letting someone take the easy route * Domming someone Cruelty lets you knock someone out of a comfortable and easy equilibrium solution.

People in non-coercion Twitter like to talk about how "laziness isn't real", but laziness is totally real it's just that most things we label laziness (e.g. procrastination) are better looked at as something else. Laziness is the tendency to settle into comfortable local optima.

Being cruel to someone you love (with their consent) is how you help them overcome laziness. It's a shove out of a local optimum for their own good, because you love them and they trust you to have their best interests fundamentally at heart.

It's also a lot of fun. I *love* causing people cognitive dissonance. The look of irritation as I can see their thoughts reshaping. Mmm, yes please, that's the sort of personal growth I'm 100% here for.

But, and this is important, you can't do this all the time, or to an unbounded degree. Sometimes you'll go too far, and you need to be sensitive to that, and they need to be able to trust you that when that happens you will stop and help them recover.

The goal is to make someone uncomfortable, not to hurt them, and they need to be able to trust you to understand and respect the difference. You also need to be able to trust yourself in this way if you're to have productive negative self-talk.

2. See non-coercion Twitter for details but TLDR if you're constantly relying on negative self-talk for productivity that's bad and you're going to burn out. This should be a thing you use for one-off tasks and the occasional nudge to get you out of bad equilibria.

3. This is a general principle: If a particular emotion is always terrible and bad, that's not a problem with that emotion it's a sign that you are emotionally dysregulated over it. All emotions have a useful function, and if you cannot handle a particular emotion you lose that.