In order: "Being cruel to people you love" sounds bad, right? It's not, it's good. Examples: * Teasing * Telling someone harsh truths * Not letting someone take the easy route * Domming someone Cruelty lets you knock someone out of a comfortable and easy equilibrium solution.
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This process of defusing is of course going to be at least a bit uncomfortable, because it requires you constantly going just outside your comfort zone.
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How do you get yourself to do that? Well... take everything I said above and apply it to itself. Mostly use noncoercion (this is exciting! I am excited to see what is in there!) and occasionally give yourself a kick up the arse (stop being lazy and eat your shadow!)
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In this thread I've tried to articulate what the correct amount might look like: Not so much an internal task master, but a little internal trickster god needling you out of your comfort zone, or a kind parent gently telling you that yes it's unfair but we gotta.
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A certain level of gentle cruelty is useful and very fun, and there are all sorts of ways to get that with others. It's a shame to deny yourself that too.
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