GeniesLoki

Oh it's definitely real and I get why it's so hard to articulate what's actually going on. Once you know about this you see/sense it everywhere. You can play with it too. Narrow/compress to make someone uncomfortable e.g. aggression, widen/expand to put them at ease.

So many adjectives for someone's overall feel seem to map onto this: easygoing, confident, secure, warm, accepting, aloof-- vs creepy, intense, invasive, off-putting, uncomfortable new dating advice is "bro just allow the space"

the 50 shades example is specifically about violating interpersonal boundaries as a kink so this kind of intensity may still be "invasive"/domineering, but sometimes/at some point that becomes attractive? otherwise I think "intensity" could be a proxy for other qualities too

I think the problem might also be not intensity but where it is directed. Intensity in and of itself is good, but having an unwarranted and unwelcome level of it directed specifically at you feels dangerous.

In a stranger I think intensity needs to be coupled with self-control to feel safe I think.

There's a thing where _exactly the same behaviors_ will be read as either high status or creepy depending on what you think of the person.

Because "knowingly violates rules" implies "high status enough to choose to ignore them and get away with it", but "violates rules because doesn't understand them or doesn't have enough self-control to follow them" implies dangerous.