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Replying to @m_ashcroft
i'm equal parts shocked that this transmits so well over video and that as
@lisatomic5 said women are catching on something real and describing it in a way that is plausible but incorrect (or not wholly precise) [creepy vs attractive]1 reply 0 retweets 18 likes -
Replying to @nosilverv @lisatomic5
Oh it's definitely real and I get why it's so hard to articulate what's actually going on. Once you know about this you see/sense it everywhere. You can play with it too. Narrow/compress to make someone uncomfortable e.g. aggression, widen/expand to put them at ease.
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Replying to @m_ashcroft @nosilverv
So many adjectives for someone's overall feel seem to map onto this: easygoing, confident, secure, warm, accepting, aloof-- vs creepy, intense, invasive, off-putting, uncomfortable new dating advice is "bro just allow the space"
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One archetype of male sexiness is intensity though. How does that fit in?pic.twitter.com/lHdokqSequ
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the 50 shades example is specifically about violating interpersonal boundaries as a kink
so this kind of intensity may still be "invasive"/domineering, but sometimes/at some point that becomes attractive?
otherwise I think "intensity" could be a proxy for other qualities too1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes -
Replying to @lisatomic5 @__rowboat__ and
I think the problem might also be not intensity but where it is directed. Intensity in and of itself is good, but having an unwarranted and unwelcome level of it directed specifically at you feels dangerous.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @lisatomic5 and
In a stranger I think intensity needs to be coupled with self-control to feel safe I think.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @lisatomic5 and
There's a thing where _exactly the same behaviors_ will be read as either high status or creepy depending on what you think of the person.
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This is legit though, right? Because "is this welcome?" is part of what you think of the person, and whether they can tell what is welcome is an implicit part of the behaviour
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Replying to @xuenay @GeniesLoki and
I agree re: “welcomeness” being pretty crucial here. But also I can picture times when people have looked at me in this focused way, when this was either creepy or attractive. And I think the difference may have a lot to do with playfulness, too.
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