GeniesLoki

Well, nobody's familiar with the formal definition of emotional labour, or it wouldn't get used the way it is. The way "emotional labour" tends to get used is closer to what was called "emotional work" in the original context, where labour is the paid version (cont).

Emotional work in the original sense is work done specifically to manage your own emotions, to ensure that they're "right" for the particular context. I think there's a major element of that in the "free therapist" problem but that's not all that's going on there.

The typical examples of emotional labour in the original sense are things like how airline staff are expected to constantly be helpful and friendly - it's part of their job to project the right emotions.

As a side note, I'm somewhat sceptical of the idea that it's only women who do the "free therapist" thing and think this is a thing where most couples help each other process emotions and it's more acceptable for women to complain when it's disproportionate (which it often is).

men complain too, but the standard thing for men when their so needs therapy is to leave

hmm i have "women do more therapy dor their partners then men" as a cached Truth but no examples and multiple counterexamples

I definitely have examples of it going both ways in my social circles, but my social circles are so weird I don't know how that translates to society writ large.

I would love to see data on this. This is not a complaint, but it’s been my observation that the women I know rely on others for therapy (paid and free) far more than the men. But, like you, my friends are weirdos, so who knows? Still, I’d be surprised if it didn’t generalize.