Since we're doing shadow work now, try this one: what if the reason you're being nasty to yourself is that there are no real, immediately obvious bad consequences to doing so?
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What if the reason you’re chill with treating your friends that way is you’re *okay* with them failing and burning up? You’re not out here worrying they’re going to screw up their life this way or now. You are for yourself.
Variant: When your friends crash and burn, they'll only blame you for it if you were helping. When you crash and burn you don't have that luxury.
