Since we're doing shadow work now, try this one: what if the reason you're being nasty to yourself is that there are no real, immediately obvious bad consequences to doing so?
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Would you talk this way to your friend? No, because they'd sulk and might even leave. And you wouldn't talk this way to your coworker either because, well, you might get fired. But what do you lose being nasty to yourself? You can't leave, and you can't fire yourself.
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Turn this around for a greater twisst: what if this is the way you'd love to treat everyone else, if there were no bad consequences to do so? What if this is who you are when you have absolute power?
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @fvathynevgl
Although oddly this might result in me being slightly meaner to myself.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki
uh... that was not the intended side effect
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Replying to @fvathynevgl
If it helps, I currently basically never engage in negative self talk. It's not a thing I do. I'm very nice to myself. So "This is how you behave with ultimate power" as a frame made me go "Hmm. Actually, zero might not be the correct number here..."
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Replying to @m_ashcroft @fvathynevgl
Mostly I think it's just the end result of countless hours spent helping friends debug their own emotional problems and talking to myself like I talk to them / would like them to talk to themselves.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @fvathynevgl
Makes sense. Does not come naturally to me at all.
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I think it helps that I've got very good metacognition, so I spend a lot of time paying attention to the structure of my thoughts, and I'm good enough at separating myself from my emotional responses a bit that I can then go "Actually, is this helpful?"
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @fvathynevgl
Sounds like a great skill! My ability to do that varies hugely by my own context (health, sleep, nutrition, work, stress levels) and the nature of the think I'd be noticing (BPD is a real pain), so it can be difficult to stop even when I do notice. Making progress though.
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Replying to @m_ashcroft @fvathynevgl
I mean the flipside of this is that I've had to spend the last two years working really hard to get to a point where I can have strong emotional responses to anything. So I think partly we're just starting from being stuck at opposite ends of a spectrum.
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