But in scenario (2) it usually indicates an underlying need/fear that it's worth talking about? The goal is to not have those, but responding to them badly will make them worse and it's better to just say "I'm sorry you felt you had to hide that" and work on the underlying fear.
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Fear of being seen is the easiest way to derail a relationship, because being seen as we are is terrifying but also desire to be seen as we are is a key feature of love.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @chiefofstuffs
This is like the story of my life lol, this tension. But at the same time it does feel that what I fear will be burned by turning the Other eye of sauron onto me isn’t really *me*?
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Replying to @nosilverv @chiefofstuffs
I think it's usually not exactly fear that their gaze will hurt you so much as fear that if they knew the true you they would reject you and leave.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @chiefofstuffs
This is demonstrably untrue but I'm acting as if it were the case???? oh, trauma - looool
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @chiefofstuffs
u need to do a relationship infoproduct too looool
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @chiefofstuffs
ok yea, i thought i was kidding but actually not? you got a really really good perspective that i've never seen elsewhere *and* think a bunch of people could benefit from
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Replying to @nosilverv @chiefofstuffs
I've gotta be honest I think the reason you've never seen it elsewhere is because you're mostly listening to men and I do good translation.
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Which is not to downplay it, but 50+% of this is just that I read a lot of books and then I put what they say into practice and I explain what I learned from that combination.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @chiefofstuffs
Yea, i believe that but something something filter via actual experience from 'my side' as it were, comes different in a way that i think is partially unjustified but partially justified too
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Replying to @nosilverv @chiefofstuffs
Yeah I don't mean to downplay the value of the translation, and I think I do also synthesise a bunch of different sources who don't normally talk to each other that well. But ultimately nothing I say on this front is particularly original to me except synthesis and framing.
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