GeniesLoki

Or just communication problems / trust issues but that's a cop out because those cause basically everything.

same opinion if you go through these ?:

https://twitter.com/nosilverv/status/1313953186160545793 … sure makes it sound like it yeah.

The tattoo thing is weird af don't get me wrong, but the root cause sounds like she was (probably incorrectly) afraid of your reaction, trust broke down, and you couldn't talk about the underlying issues to resolve it.

Yea. Incorrectly afraid -> hid and tried to paper over -> I noticed hiding -> felt safety disappeared -> no one figured out why -> things went downhill from there

I've definitely done this. hard to undo incorrectly afraid tho... do I need to develop tolerance for minor hiding?

I think it depends on what you mean by this? 1. "hiding" because they just intrinsically want privacy about something is something you should just accept as a valid need. 2. hiding because they're afraid of your reactions is something to "tolerate" by being non-judgemental.

But in scenario (2) it usually indicates an underlying need/fear that it's worth talking about? The goal is to not have those, but responding to them badly will make them worse and it's better to just say "I'm sorry you felt you had to hide that" and work on the underlying fear.