GeniesLoki

Twitter feature request: a react where the person being complimented gets to indicate whether it was cool with them or not, with an optional comment explaining why. The tweet will glow red or green accordingly, and everyone can add a datapoint to their understanding.https://twitter.com/GeniesLoki/status/1309385789218881536 …

People are uncertain about what compliments are appropriate. Combo of: not knowing the basics, preferences differing and lacking the skill of knowing when and how to do it well. My idea helps people build skill by observing successes and failures, while allowing people to differ

Really important: in all cases, react to a mistake with grace. You have learned you didn't read the situation right. That doesn't necessarily mean you've done anything terrible, but it means you didn't get this one right.

For what it's worth, my take is online compliments are definitely at lower risk of causing harm, but also lower benefit for both of you. Not a terrible place to practice (once you have the basics and are being thoughtful and considerate), but you could also start with friends.

The basics of compliments on appearance: - err on side of only when solicited - things people chose > things they didn't - it will likely be taken differently from women than men

Was this partly a response to our mini-chat yesterday, or a happy coincidence?

Definitely in part! Feels like there's been a confluence of conversations. It was our interaction that helped me connect @GeniesLoki's point about skill with preferences varying to frame what I said to you as "here's a datapoint, I am trusting you to update on it correctly."

If I start using this, I bet I'll really enjoy being able to speak confidently about my experience, while saying things I believe are true in general, without speaking for all women and thus stressing men out and getting women who differ from me less of what they want.