One place I end up differing from the rest of talking-about-feelings Twitter is that I repeatedly end up going "No my parents are pretty great", because my parents are in fact pretty great and my bad childhood experiences largely come from the environment outside my home.
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So it was interesting when going through some processing the other day to notice that there is actually a core negative feeling about my parents underlying some of my emotional difficulties.
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It's somewhere in the region of disappointment/betrayal. There's a key felt question there: "Why didn't they help?"
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And I know why they didn't help. It was almost impossibly difficult for them to do so. Even now with 20/20 hindsight I don't know what they could have done, and I understand the problems infinitely better than they could have at the time. But the feeling is still there.
1:08 AM - 2 Oct 2020
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