So it was interesting when going through some processing the other day to notice that there is actually a core negative feeling about my parents underlying some of my emotional difficulties.
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One place I end up differing from the rest of talking-about-feelings Twitter is that I repeatedly end up going "No my parents are pretty great", because my parents are in fact pretty great and my bad childhood experiences largely come from the environment outside my home.
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It's somewhere in the region of disappointment/betrayal. There's a key felt question there: "Why didn't they help?"
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And I know why they didn't help. It was almost impossibly difficult for them to do so. Even now with 20/20 hindsight I don't know what they could have done, and I understand the problems infinitely better than they could have at the time. But the feeling is still there.
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I try to do this but I can't share why it was so great without having to reveal shady stuff with my family. :< I love my parents and they love me very much
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Same, my parents were great. Not perfect, and if I judged them by standards I would hope to be judged by, I honestly can't think how they could have done better.
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There were ways the household and family were run that made me the way I am, both good and not good. It's hard to imagine another set of tradeoffs I would have preferred; alt future creation is hard! I'm glad they gave me room to be myself, make my mistakes, and screw up
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There's also the flip side: if they helped too much, might that have had negative results?
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In this case... no, I do not think that it would have.
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by a similar method, i concluded that my parents were to a great extent horrible in each their own ways, and i was able to realise this by hashing out each behaviour of theirs, experienced firsthand with my husband, and identify why it was wrong
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admittedly i havent done this with my father firsthand yet, and as a result my husband is ambivalent but trusting of me about him. but my mother-in-law is even on the same page about my mother, she’s a bad person through and through
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