GeniesLoki

for a concrete example, think of a fat person. is accepting them for being fat at odds with motivating them to not be fat?

I think this is a good example of it depending on what "should" means. I think the correct position here is roughly "Here are the benefits you would experience from not being fat. I will support your change if you decide that's worth it, and accept your decision if you don't."

that feels like a softened version of B) like you would clearly be disappointed if they chose no, but you would still be their friend or whatever. but the subtle pressure of anti-A) is there.

why do you care about someone else’s weight

because i care about my own weight and treat the entire world as a projection of and through myself

That seems like a problem you're not bad for having but should work on improving to me.

no it's not a problem, thats the only possible way i can relate to the world.

Is it though?