Are "you're not bad for having this problem" and "you should improve this problem" fundamentally incompatible??
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for a concrete example, think of a fat person. is accepting them for being fat at odds with motivating them to not be fat?
I think this is a good example of it depending on what "should" means. I think the correct position here is roughly "Here are the benefits you would experience from not being fat. I will support your change if you decide that's worth it, and accept your decision if you don't."
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that feels like a softened version of B) like you would clearly be disappointed if they chose no, but you would still be their friend or whatever. but the subtle pressure of anti-A) is there.
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I don't think there's any implied disappointment here! It's providing someone with information and respecting their autonomy over how to use that information.
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