GeniesLoki

When I say what's bothering me, I'm often met with an explanation for why [behaviour] is justified or necessary. I'm often admonished to try and understand where they're coming from.

And I do. I have worked on this, too. Flip side of expressing my own thoughts is that I'm better able to empathize, and I do. Genuinely. I try to feel what [justification] must be like. I say it. I apologize if something I did precipitated [justification], and I *mean* it.

I am more self-aware during these exchanges than I've ever been, and I *approve* of how I handle them. (This comes from someone chronically insecure in how they conduct themselves. Hmm. Self-respecter has logged on??)

However, it's not usually met with complementary understanding! This does not compute for me. Because I am doing the necessary thing that was asked of me. It was a hard thing, but I'm not just blindly following an ultimatum: I'm a true believer in being emotionally forthcoming!!!

(Sounds silly to state something like that but I guess I didn't always believe that - behaviourally speaking. If you asked me in the past, I'm sure I'd have agreed on its importance.)

So why the distrust on partner's side? I think it might be something like: "You have not always been emotionally forthright with me, so I don't know if I should trust that what you're saying is true. I don't know how to approach this possible deception...

...so I ignore the concern or talk past it. Besides - it implies that *I* am hurting or bothering someone! That's not like me!"

The fights lately are tinged with an air of desperation for me... I don't even get my newly (tbh not that new; been in this habit for years) articulated thoughts acknowledged, so I tend to press on. It hurts us both. Makes me want to go back in my emotional shell; I sometimes do.