Operating sans trust is how you cultivate trust. You consistently trust the thing/person/whatever more than is warranted, and your level of trust in it rises to the level of its trustability.
Like don't do this with a boss or coworker or whatever - there you can build a high but ultimately bounded degree of trust. Do do this with a romantic partner, a close friend, or yourself, because if those people don't fundamentally have your back they can't fulfil that role.
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I kinda don't want to comment on this because I just assume you won't trust anything I have to say about it anyway, but that sounds like something worth investigating and considering whether it makes you happy.
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