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Realisation prompted by https://twitter.com/GeniesLoki/status/1308132739632238592 … I can trace exactly where that strategy comes from. I adopted it a lot as a kid. It's a TERRIBLE strategy. It never worked even in the environments I learned it in.
Earnestly explaining to the person attacking you that they're wrong for attacking you is just fucking stupid. If they were amenable to that response they wouldn't be attacking you in the first place.
But try telling that to a kid who is confused and frightened and just wants the world to be fair and is responding with a strategy that would work if it was.
Me: Self-compassion! Find your inner child and hug it! Me shortly later: *experiences emotionally profound body shift from realising that kids are dumb and you can laugh at yourself when you're being dumb and that's OK*
I *think* this is made better by the fact that I went through the self-compassion phase first, but apparently my shadow is particularly delicious today.
Sometimes, just sometimes, people are attacking you because they've misunderstood and then when you make that clear they have the self awareness and bravery to apologise. So I think it's often worth one shot?
Yeah it's definitely worth a shot, it's just worth a shot knowing that it probably won't work and if it doesn't that's probably not failure on your part it was just never likely to work in the first place.
Lots to chew on in this thread for me, ty genie, my go-to response for pretty much all conflict is fawning and I've had a hell of a time trying to tackle that
I sometimes reply with something like, "That doesn't sound like an argument. That just sounds like snarky ad hominems."pic.twitter.com/rAqnIECZzn
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