GeniesLoki

Theory: Contrary to a literal reading, the harem fantasy is not about sex, but is instead a male fantasy of having more than one person you're allowed to be emotionally intimate with without having to give up a performance of masculinity that denies the need for that.

I don't think your reading holds for me at all. Insofar as I have this fantasy, it's almost entirely a fantasy of having general sexual value, the way I feel most hot girls do and most guys don't; it's about being desirable: desired not just by one person but by girls as a whole.

That makes sense. I was thinking more in its use in fiction which I think is quite different from what individual fantasies tend to look like

I'm not clear on what you mean here? I've read harem erotica, and this aspect was what I liked about them.

Thinking less the stuff you get primarily in erotica and more it's a common trope in a lot of things like litrpg, light novels, anime etc. Male power fantasy stuff in general often has some component of it.

I think this is on the money, actually (at least wrt anime)https://twitter.com/Elodes12/status/1308033823641415680?s=20 …

Could be! I feel like I'm more aware of it as being an anime thing than I've actually encountered it, as I've only watched a few animes and they were mostly not harem.