Theory: Contrary to a literal reading, the harem fantasy is not about sex, but is instead a male fantasy of having more than one person you're allowed to be emotionally intimate with without having to give up a performance of masculinity that denies the need for that.
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TBH there's probably an element of it in most instances of the trope. Certainly the problem being pointed at is real and serious.
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I think most of the examples I have in mind though are a bit different from the standard anime trope in that they tend to be a bit more "Guy is aggressively awesome, gets all the women as a result", which doesn't feel like it has this core of acceptance-for-who-you-are.
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