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The thing I don't get about some books involving harems (and I mean harems, not love dodecahedrons Ranma-style) is that the story is always focused on the next woman/man and the previous ones get forgotten. If you're going to forget about the rest, what's the point of the harem?
I haven't particularly picked up on this, but I expect think the answer is basically that people don't know how to write non-couple-centred romance because there are a lot of cultural scripts for how to write that and not many for how to write multi-way romance.
I think a surprisingly large number of instances of the harem trope in fiction have little explicit content though.