Theory: Contrary to a literal reading, the harem fantasy is not about sex, but is instead a male fantasy of having more than one person you're allowed to be emotionally intimate with without having to give up a performance of masculinity that denies the need for that.
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I'm not clear on what you mean here? I've read harem erotica, and this aspect was what I liked about them.
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Thinking less the stuff you get primarily in erotica and more it's a common trope in a lot of things like litrpg, light novels, anime etc. Male power fantasy stuff in general often has some component of it.
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I took you to mean "harem fantasy" as in shōnen fiction and games, where all the major female characters are to some extent romantically interested in a protagonist who has no serious rivals. Which is actually an oddly construed application of the original term.
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