I thought I had an example of all four that didn't qualify for romance but then I concluded that it was mostly just romance plus denial. 
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Replying to @Elodes12
I still think there's something else there though. Maybe it's that what you're committing *too* that matters. It's possible to have a committed lifelong friendship in which all three of the other components are present but what you're committing to is not romance.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki
Whew. At that point my gut would say that what's missing is a sense of "we'll live together forever" plus perhaps either exclusivity or (if you're poly) a commitment to forever remain each other's primary partner, plus "if we're ever having kids, we're having them together."
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Replying to @Elodes12 @GeniesLoki
Would you say there'd be something missing still then?
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Replying to @Elodes12
These don't seem like necessary conditions for romance to me TBH. I think there's a lot of scope for romance without any implied commitment to a deep intertwining of lives.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @Elodes12
Poly relationships definitely abound with examples of romance where the degree of life sharing possible is sharply bounded. A secondary relationship isn't non-romantic just because it can never become primary.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @Elodes12
But FWIW the cases I had in mind were more like... ones where two people clearly have the potential to become romantically involved, but might consciously choose to just remain friends for practical or emotional reasons.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @Elodes12
One thing to tease out here is romance (verb) and romantic feelings, which in my experience can be independent.
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Yeah, I agree. I think approximately romance = activities designed to cultivate romantic feelings, but the latter can exist without the former.
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GeniesLoki Retweeted GeniesLoki
https://twitter.com/GeniesLoki/status/1307648293640507400 … was my attempt to tease that out
GeniesLoki added,
GeniesLoki @GeniesLoki
Replying to @GeniesLoki @Elodes12
OK, hm. Lets start again.
(Wild speculation warning)
There is a kind of attraction that is not intrinsically sexual but is more like a kind of delighted fascination with the other. A desire to know everything about them, an intrinsic interest in them as them.
4:09 AM - 21 Sep 2020
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