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Theory: Contrary to a literal reading, the harem fantasy is not about sex, but is instead a male fantasy of having more than one person you're allowed to be emotionally intimate with without having to give up a performance of masculinity that denies the need for that.
Addendum: The ones which are a personal sexual fantasy or part of a work of erotica are obviously in large part about the sex, yes. 
I think a surprisingly large number of instances of the harem trope in fiction have little explicit content though.
Apparently not everyone is familiar with the term "harem fantasy" and are assuming I'm talking about something closer to a historical harem (which were Bad). "harem fantasy" is a trope name and generally refers to lots of women voluntarily interested in the protagonist.
alternate reading: it’s about diluting the hurt you inflict on people so much that it rounds down to nothing
This is super accurate. It's low downside and great upside.
I think it's about people feeling important :)
I'm sure that's why Genghis khan had a harem.
The greatest happiness is to vanquish your enemies, to chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth, to see those dear to them bathed in tears, to clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters and tell them how you really feel
Amendment: it's not *just* about sex :-)
I get my education about such things from James Bond movies, and the Book. Genesis 3:16 To the woman he said, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”https://youtu.be/ithAJ1DHoIs
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