GeniesLoki

I was going to say something like "a deep sense that no matter what happens in life, there will always be some sort of love between you and the other person", but I think that could fall under 'pure love'

Yeah, I think that's potentially just BFFs, right? I feel like maybe what's missing from this model is that romance is not just something you feel, it's something you do, and "romantic love" is more like "the felt desire to do romance with this person".

This doesn't immediately parse; what would "doing romance" look like?

Hmm. I don't really have a good answer to this other than "doing romantic things together" which then invites the question "what makes a thing romantic?". But e.g. going on a date.

OK, hm. Lets start again. (Wild speculation warning) There is a kind of attraction that is not intrinsically sexual but is more like a kind of delighted fascination with the other. A desire to know everything about them, an intrinsic interest in them as them.

It's a little bit a desire to make them "yours" in some way - not necessarily a possessive way (ideally never in a possessive way), but in a way that in some sense lays claim to them as a part of your life.

I think that is as close as I can get to describing what romantic love is like. What you then do with it, and whether it blooms into romance, is then something on top of that. Romance is essentially shared activities designed to cultivate that feeling.

oh god i have so many thoughts on this but i've just started unpacking some of this stuff with my therapist