GeniesLoki

Like there seems to be a sort of Deep Friendship With Benefits which doesn't include romantic love, and I can't quite tell what romantic love *does* above and beyond that, but it's at very least a feeling that can develop after that, and possibly never does.

Huh... I guess my theory is incomplete then. Really curious what that difference might be, then. Keep me posted if you ever come any closer to figuring it out :)

I think one missing factor is emotional intimacy. There's a level/type of that in romantic relationships that is I think missing from all but the deepest of friendships. (I still think there's something missing once you add that in, but I'm not totally sure about that)

Great suggestion. You're right, that's definitely a key component of good romantic relationships.

I thought I had an example of all four that didn't qualify for romance but then I concluded that it was mostly just romance plus denial.

that...is a mood

I still think there's something else there though. Maybe it's that what you're committing *too* that matters. It's possible to have a committed lifelong friendship in which all three of the other components are present but what you're committing to is not romance.

Whew. At that point my gut would say that what's missing is a sense of "we'll live together forever" plus perhaps either exclusivity or (if you're poly) a commitment to forever remain each other's primary partner, plus "if we're ever having kids, we're having them together."