GeniesLoki

You know how some people are *really* into being geeks and proudly declare they're geeks and are super into things specifically because they're geeky and it's just incredibly cringe, especially if you're also a geek? I feel like a lot of identity labels work like this.

If someone asks me "are you a fan of x?" x being a band, author, tv show, whatever, even if I like the thing, I feel compelled to say, "well I like some of their songs/books/etc but I don't know that I'd call myself a 'fan'." This feels like that. I'm not cut out for fandom.

Same really. I have a few things I like enough that I might go as far as to say "Yeah I guess I'm a fan, but I'm not really part of the fandom"

Same. This does have some interrelated downsides, IME, of not fitting in communities, not being “known for/as” a thing, maybe having a weaker sense of self...

i think it's the opposite, people with weak sense of self tend to attach themselves (usually pretty liberally) to communities and fandoms in order to have a tangible identity

A thing that was suggested in Scattered Minds (which, again, I can't really recommend) that rang true is that one of the ways a poor sense of self can manifest is in fear of being subsumed in the other, so ends up with a weird kind of mixed longing for and terror of connection.

most of my experience with people with poor sense of self is bpd, and tbh I'm not convinced ADHD is a thing, but that sounds fake