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Hmm. Speculative thought, not sure if I believe it or not, but it feels truthy: The major division in masculine vs feminine conversation norms is whose responsibility it is to manage your feelings about the conversation. Male norms say it's yours, female norms say it's mine.
If true, this might explain some failure modes: In a conversation in which a man upsets a woman, each thinks the other is being a bad conversation partner by failing to uphold their responsibilities. (Again, speculative, also I'm not making a normative claim, just descriptive)
I guess more modest version of this claim: many conversational norms are usefully framed in terms of who is supposed to manage a particular emotion, and masculine norms more often assume you manage your own, while feminine ones more often assume you manage the other's.
This does seem to break down in a number of cases: e.g. when men are allowed to be angry at each other doesn't follow this pattern, and I'm a bit confused about what the intended cross gender norms are supposed to be.
Could also explain how attempts to let men down gently are read as positive signs, though I'm sure wishful thinking plays a large role there.
Hmm. Yeah. Certainly a bunch of stuff seems explainable as men not understanding that women are spending time managing their feelings.
yeah it, uh, feels true but i have a ton of doubts about this still something to ponder, thanks
Yeah I think it it's true it's likely a huge oversimplification, but it's an interesting lens if nothing else.
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