Uh, that the therapy relationship is about genuine healthy human connection and the relationship between the therapist and the patient, rather than a professional transaction in which you are paying the therapist to help you sort yourself out.
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Why do those have to be mutually exclusive? Does the professional transaction negate the possibility of a genuine connection (albeit one that exists in a bounded space)?
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Replying to @andreajmedaris @GeniesLoki and
I came here to ask this. Do I not have a warm human connection with my colleagues, housemates, etc because money is involved? Do I not have one with the people I volunteer to help, because they don't help me back?
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Replying to @leonalobster @andreajmedaris and
The limiting factor of the therapeutic relationship is not that "money is involved" but that it's something you're paying for by the hour and goes away when you stop paying for it, which is a much more specific scenario.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @leonalobster and
I think it's important to have a good relationship with the therapist, but it's necessarily a fairly specific type of working relationship, and does not serve well as a prototype for relationships more broadly.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @andreajmedaris and
I agree with that. Also I've observed some confusion on the part of clients who feel they have a great friendship (or romantic connection) with their therapist. I don't think therapists typically believe this though, or that any school of therapy would encourage them to
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Replying to @leonalobster @andreajmedaris and
I don't think they encourage them to form friendships or romantic relationships with clients, certainly, but they do encourage centring the relationship between the therapist and the client in a way that may be helpful for some people but I was not a fan of.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @leonalobster and
Like from my point of view I'm just not going to invest much emotional energy in anyone I'm paying by the hour. That doesn't mean I don't like, respect, and value them. That doesn't mean the relationship isn't important. It does mean it's very secondary to why I'm there.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @andreajmedaris and
I guess I see it as me investing money and time and my humanist therapist investing emotional energy. Not having to care about the therapist is why it was transformative - I could bare my soul in a way I could with nobody else... and get genuine care and compassion in return
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Replying to @leonalobster @GeniesLoki and
I think the core of this difference is in this emotional investment thing, which I find interesting. I need to think what kind of 'investments' I make in friends vs what I'd want to invest in a therapist
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I think part of it is that honestly I don't care that much how much compassion a therapist has for me? I want them to take my problems seriously and discuss them nonjudgementally, and I wouldn't trust them to do that without some compassion but beyond that it doesn't matter to me
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @leonalobster and
The sort of relationship I have with a friend has an intrinsic mutuality to it that I'm never going to get out of a transactional relationship. With a friend I *do* care about their good opinion of me (and vice versa), but a therapist's opinion only matters via our interactions.
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Replying to @GeniesLoki @leonalobster and
To go back to your comparison with a coworker: It matters that I am friendly with a coworker, that we have a good working relationship, etc. but I don't really care what they think of my personal life unless we're actually to become friends outside of work.
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