Do you have any men with whom you could practice shouting at each other as a desensitisation practice / safe environment to practice skills around your response?
Hmm. Possible smaller variations on the same idea: * Practice with a woman. * Practice with a man shouting but not in anger or at you, just making a loud noise * Practice *you* shouting (initially on your own, then at someone else?) * ...in anger
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Also it might make sense to try to work on improving the recovery period rather than improving your emotional experience in the moment? Potentially easier to tackle because you have a bit of distance and helps create a bit more safety for tackling the in the moment feelings.
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If just the idea of someone shouting at you is nearly enough to trigger it, that might be a good route in if you wanted something you can do on your own? Trigger the experience then work through the aftermath. TBH sounds awful though. Sorry.
End of conversation
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