slowly realizing how much not being horny forces me to be only an observer and not a participant in the world
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So basically the route out was to a) Uncover and clear out a lot of emotional garbage that was preventing me from experiencing or expressing attraction to people and then b) Internalise the idea that attraction / horniness was to be rewarded.
It's a super annoying book and mostly aimed at women, but the book "Come as you are" is a useful model of sexuality and how this sort of thing works, which might be helpful if you can overlook its shortcomings.
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One thing that I found particularly helpful in it was the idea of concordance. Roughly, your brain can be horny and your body can be horny. Each tends to feed the other if you let it, but being "properly" horny requires both to work in sync.
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Guys tend to heavily overidentify with the body side (crudely: they don't feel like they're horny in less they're hard) and so tend to neglect the brain side of things, and it can be worth trying to cultivate both. Essentially trying to find sexuality interesting in and of itself
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