slowly realizing how much not being horny forces me to be only an observer and not a participant in the world
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But roughly in my experience there are two things that stopped me from becoming hornier: 1. It didn't feel especially useful. 2. It felt bad / inappropriate.
On (2) I'd basically internalised a lot of stuff along the lines of "being attracted to people is bad", on (1) there was a certain level of... there didn't seem to be much point? Like what was horniness instrumentally for if I wasn't likely to be having sex anyway?
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So basically the route out was to a) Uncover and clear out a lot of emotional garbage that was preventing me from experiencing or expressing attraction to people and then b) Internalise the idea that attraction / horniness was to be rewarded.
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It's a super annoying book and mostly aimed at women, but the book "Come as you are" is a useful model of sexuality and how this sort of thing works, which might be helpful if you can overlook its shortcomings.
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