GeniesLoki

I've noticed since I've gotten married that we follow gender roles much more than I'd expect. My feminism meant I wanted us to just do what we're best at and wanted that to be nontraditional but it turns out we're best at the things we've been socialized to do.

Yes, I think this is a common pattern in opposite gender couples. I think trying to fix it requires actively planning it out and learning from and teaching each other, which is hard work.

It also probably requires accepting things be done to a lower standard than they could be. e.g. I've seen this pattern a lot with cleaning with several friends: One has a very high standard for cleanliness, the other a very low. One needs to step up, other to chill out.

Yeah, this is a tricky one, because there isn't an obvious "fair" equilibrium. What my gf and I have been trying: the person with lower standards can skip the chore until the person with higher standards asks them to do it. Trading cognitive "tracking" effort for chore effort.