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Yes, I think this is a common pattern in opposite gender couples. I think trying to fix it requires actively planning it out and learning from and teaching each other, which is hard work.
It also probably requires accepting things be done to a lower standard than they could be. e.g. I've seen this pattern a lot with cleaning with several friends: One has a very high standard for cleanliness, the other a very low. One needs to step up, other to chill out.
(This mostly but not entirely tracks the expected gender lines - I have friends where the one who needed to step up was the woman. Having lived with said woman in the past she *really* needed to step up, and mostly did)
Yes, I've particularly seen this trap with some female friends requiring things to be done a certain way, and their husbands being "unable" to do it "properly", so the wives do a lot more work. We've thankfully avoided that trap! We're happy for either of us to do several tasks
eg When we got a dishwasher, he took over vacuuming from me.
Yeah, this is a tricky one, because there isn't an obvious "fair" equilibrium. What my gf and I have been trying: the person with lower standards can skip the chore until the person with higher standards asks them to do it. Trading cognitive "tracking" effort for chore effort.
My impression is that for most people this comes up not just in frequency with which it's done but also the standard to which it's done though - they do it, but they do it sufficiently well that the person with higher standards kinda wishes they hadn't.
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