GeniesLoki

Another example of male emotional labour is making women feel safe around them. e.g. an angry man is treated as intrinsically unsafe, so when men feel anger they have to do a lot of work to manage perception if they don't want to scare people. (Many men don't do this of course)

I think that’s definitely emotional labor maybe wrongly filed under courtesy. the flip of that is women making people feel welcome and a difference is that women get expected to communicate that on behalf of their boss or partner while men aren’t as often expected to be /

Responsible for whether others/the whole group or family are seen as “safe” by others. There are definitely examples of men being expected to take that responsibility, though. Will definitely keep my eye open to see if those situations seem more frequent than I’m thinking rn

Yeah, don't get me wrong, there's lots of emotional labour that women are expected to do that men aren't! I'm not suggesting that women do less emotional labour than we tend to claim, just that men and women do different sorts and the male kind is often ignored.

Totally get it, I think I’m coming from a place that’s a little defensive bc some people I interact basically don’t think emotional labor is even “real”. I’m finding your thought and examples really helpful

BTW nk I agree with what you said earlier that men tend to get rewarded more for doing feminine-coded emotional labour - I think this is because it's not socially required.

I'm now wondering whether women get rewarded more for doing male-coded emotional labour. My impression is that they are rewarded by men and not by women. I think the same pattern holds in the other direction? Female-coded emotional labour is rewarded in men by women, not men.

My gut is to say that some of the male coded emotional labor like projecting safety simply doesn’t apply. But my experience is that men can feel threatened/insulted by women who avoid turning to men when a crisis hits, or who take over male-coded stuff like idk negotiating a sale