I’ve had similar thoughts, but struggled to come up with a lot of examples. Basically I came up with things that are defined as “courtesy” (asking about someone’s day, listening to someone without criticism or unwanted “fixing”) that may feel more like labor to men...
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BTW nk I agree with what you said earlier that men tend to get rewarded more for doing feminine-coded emotional labour - I think this is because it's not socially required.
I'm now wondering whether women get rewarded more for doing male-coded emotional labour. My impression is that they are rewarded by men and not by women. I think the same pattern holds in the other direction? Female-coded emotional labour is rewarded in men by women, not men.
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My gut is to say that some of the male coded emotional labor like projecting safety simply doesn’t apply. But my experience is that men can feel threatened/insulted by women who avoid turning to men when a crisis hits, or who take over male-coded stuff like idk negotiating a sale
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Of course some women also get weirded out by men doing female coded emotional labor like active listening. My experience is that men are somewhat less likely to reward female partners/peers who take on “male” tasks but it changes with other relationships (like daughters)
End of conversation
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