GeniesLoki

What if the reason why women do most of the emotional labour is that we don't count it as emotional labour when men do it? (I was surprisingly reluctant to tweet this even on alt)

I’ve had similar thoughts, but struggled to come up with a lot of examples. Basically I came up with things that are defined as “courtesy” (asking about someone’s day, listening to someone without criticism or unwanted “fixing”) that may feel more like labor to men...

I think being a source of stability and calm is the most central example of emotional labour typically done by men. A lot of men describe it as being the only one not allowed to fall apart in a crisis. Many men don't do this and many women do, of course, but it's skews male.

That’s a good point

I guess I was thinking more of the everyday than of the crisis situation, since of the day to day emotional and “shit-mental” (keeping inventory, schedules, stuff that’s not quite emotional) part of preventing a crisis is what I tend to think of first in women’s emotional labor

For a lot of people, this is an every day occurrence! e.g. I know a number of het couples where the woman has ADHD (or similar executive function issues) and so Being The Calm One is an ongoing part of the man's role in the relationship.