What if the reason why women do most of the emotional labour is that we don't count it as emotional labour when men do it? (I was surprisingly reluctant to tweet this even on alt)
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Another example of male emotional labour is making women feel safe around them. e.g. an angry man is treated as intrinsically unsafe, so when men feel anger they have to do a lot of work to manage perception if they don't want to scare people. (Many men don't do this of course)
Well not just women - men will often perceive other angry men as unsafe too - but primarily women.
