What if the reason why women do most of the emotional labour is that we don't count it as emotional labour when men do it? (I was surprisingly reluctant to tweet this even on alt)
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This is kinda what I was getting at in https://twitter.com/GeniesLoki/status/1298198816001331200 … If yo look at typical feminine examples of emotional labour yeah 100% men do less of that. Male emotional labour is generally about not exhibiting emotion rather than exhibiting it.
Another example of male emotional labour is making women feel safe around them. e.g. an angry man is treated as intrinsically unsafe, so when men feel anger they have to do a lot of work to manage perception if they don't want to scare people. (Many men don't do this of course)
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Well not just women - men will often perceive other angry men as unsafe too - but primarily women.
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I think that’s definitely emotional labor maybe wrongly filed under courtesy. the flip of that is women making people feel welcome and a difference is that women get expected to communicate that on behalf of their boss or partner while men aren’t as often expected to be /
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Responsible for whether others/the whole group or family are seen as “safe” by others. There are definitely examples of men being expected to take that responsibility, though. Will definitely keep my eye open to see if those situations seem more frequent than I’m thinking rn
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There's a very moving example of this in Pulp Fiction
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To be fair, men on average are more dangerous. People probably know this instinctually or can identify certain features in the face and physiology of a man who is stronger and a better fighter. People use heuristics for safety/survival, not that they’re w/o drawbacks
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Note that I didn't say men shouldn't do this! It's very reasonable and mostly good that men do this. "Emotional labour" doesn't mean "bad", it means "work done to manage emotions".
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