GeniesLoki

What are the best written arguments against polyamory, as it's practiced by smart people in 2020, being possible in principle or good for the people practicing it? I'd appreciate links to serious essays. I'm going to list some of the lazy and bad arguments below for contrast.

most compelling argument to me is that deviating from the social norm for relationships imposes enough of a cognitive and material cost that it can overcome the positives from a non-normative relationship style, unless you're particularly tuned to that sort of work and effort

if I want to be lazy and not put too much thought/effort into it (maybe 5-10% of capacity), then the monogamous relationship escalator works pretty well for most people as a template, and "do it better" is easier than "do something different"

in a default-poly society, with a world of knowledge and info and support and legal coding for poly relationships, it would probably be equally difficult to make Ethical Monogamy work out

Anyway I'm happy to devote a larger percent of my time/energy to relationships, and poly works really well for me, so I'm pretty happy that it's becoming more and more common. But it is a lot more work and effort.