GeniesLoki

I don't really have a conclusion I'm building to, I just think pluralism and flexibility are good and putting poly and monogamy in opposition to eachother rather than as points on a spectrum isn't doing either side any favours

I agree that putting them in opposition isn't normally helpful. Another ways it's unhelpful is that people are usually arguing against a strawman, which I think you and I have talked about before.

I have a very dear friend who became poly because a boyfriend asked her point blank if she was attracted to other people and then got mad at her for it so she thought monogamists just weren't attached to other people?? I was like "no your boyfriend was just an idiot"

Did her boyfriend find other women attractive? You make it sound like he claimed to be mono-sexual (os is that attraction to people with mono?). Seems unlikely he didn't, but some men are very insecure for some reason?

I do think monogamy norms tend to exacerbate that insecurity because too many perfectly normal things start to seem like threats. Although honestly there are a lot of insecure poly men too so it's far from *caused* by monogamy.

I'm not sure. The thing is, there's a lot tied up in your relatiomship. Many people jointly own a house together or have other big financial commitments that otherwise they couldn't afford. And many *do* feel a need to align who they live with with who they sleep with.

"many do feel a need to align who they live with with who they sleep with" seems like it's exactly my point rather than a disagreement?

Maybe I just missed your point a bit?