GeniesLoki

Also just because things have stabilised doesn't mean they stay stable. Even in long term stable relationships things can change in ways that mean flexibility becomes important again.

But on the other hand poly is often just a lot more work and there are a lot of times in your life where you really want to focus time and energy on other things.

I don't really have a conclusion I'm building to, I just think pluralism and flexibility are good and putting poly and monogamy in opposition to eachother rather than as points on a spectrum isn't doing either side any favours

I agree that putting them in opposition isn't normally helpful. Another ways it's unhelpful is that people are usually arguing against a strawman, which I think you and I have talked about before.

I have a very dear friend who became poly because a boyfriend asked her point blank if she was attracted to other people and then got mad at her for it so she thought monogamists just weren't attached to other people?? I was like "no your boyfriend was just an idiot"

Did her boyfriend find other women attractive? You make it sound like he claimed to be mono-sexual (os is that attraction to people with mono?). Seems unlikely he didn't, but some men are very insecure for some reason?

I do think monogamy norms tend to exacerbate that insecurity because too many perfectly normal things start to seem like threats. Although honestly there are a lot of insecure poly men too so it's far from *caused* by monogamy.

I'm not sure. The thing is, there's a lot tied up in your relatiomship. Many people jointly own a house together or have other big financial commitments that otherwise they couldn't afford. And many *do* feel a need to align who they live with with who they sleep with.