It doesn't exactly sound bonkers I just still don't understand how our experience differs. I don't usually know what I'm going to right in advance of writing it either - there's maybe a word or two of lookahead on a phone because of how slow it is but no more than that.
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Can you articulate how/why it's hard?
For example one thing that does differ for me between internal and externalised verbal thought is that the internal stuff tends to be much less coherent and articulate and jumps around a lot, and I was wondering if you're trying to hold you internal thoughts to external standards
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